Room of Grace

Check out my New Blog!!!!

2012-02-09T19:01:00.000-08:00

Hi followers, I wanted to let ya'll know I started a new blog! You can now follow me over to The Cuckoos Nest .

Thanks!

Poison in a Pretty Purple Pouch?

2011-01-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

This is an article that someone shared with me about the potential health risks of taking birth control pills and I thought there are alot of women who would be interested in reading it. Even if you don't agree fully there is some interesting information included that is worth thinking over. It was posted on the catholic exchange website. The link is at the bottom of this post.

Poisoned by the Pill

Do we know what are we doing? Obstetricians, whose job it is to help usher new life into the world, display birth control advertisements on their waiting room end tables and walls, the way one’s Aunt Matilda might once have displayed dear family photos. The secular news media, whose job it is to objectively report information, has exalted 50 years of “the pill” as an emancipating wonder for women, dismissing the mass suffering connected to this pill—and acting as if there were not multitudes of women right now agonizing on their deathbeds as a direct result of having taken this drug. It is as if our culture has blindfolded its eyes, as if we could not bear to see the truths connected with this potentially deadly pill.

The recent conference “50 Years of the Pill,” held in Washington D.C. on December 3, 2010, and sponsored by Human Life International, was about bringing forth these truths. For me, attending this conference was like going on an expedition—an expedition to unearth the truths about the birth control pill and its impact upon women and society. The conference featured great Catholic scientists, nurses, doctors, priests, teachers and other professionals to guide us along the way.

One startling truth which was brought to light was that hormonal contraceptives have been declared a Group 1 carcinogen[1] by the World Health Organization (WHO). A carcinogen is a substance that causes cancer, by causing changes in the DNA structure of cells. Estrogen-progestogen contraceptives have achieved the dubious distinction of sharing this carcinogenic ranking with such toxic substances as arsenic, asbestos and plutonium. But unlike arsenic, asbestos, plutonium and other Group 1 carcinogens, this is one carcinogen for which doctors will gladly write prescriptions for perfectly healthy women. It may be true that some women can take the pill with no ill effects. But for many otherwise healthy women, these drugs are deadly.

Dangers and Statistics

Many of the dangers of the pill are listed on the package insert. One conference speaker suggested we visit our local “friendly” pharmacy and ask to see this insert for ourselves: “If you hold one end of the insert high up, the other end will drop to the floor,” she warned.

A nurse at the conference described her visit to a stroke unit. Amidst the elderly faces, there were also young girls. “Why are they here?” She inquired. She was then told that they “had been on the pill.” How easy it is to ignore that there are real lives that will ultimately succumb to the side effects listed on the pill’s package insert. The statistics are startling:

According to the Journal of American Medicine, using birth control doubles one’s risk of stroke.

According to the National Cancer Institute one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lives.[2]

The National Cancer Institute estimates that in 2010, 39,840 women will die of breast cancer. The institute also estimates that in 2010, 207,090 will be diagnosed with breast cancer.[3]

According to the Mayo Clinic Research, if a woman uses hormonal contraception for at least four years before her first full-term pregnancy she is at a 52% greater risk for developing breast cancer.[4]

According to the International Agency of Research on Cancer, if a woman uses a hormonal contraceptive for more than five years, she becomes four times more likely to develop cervical cancer.

According to the National Cancer Institute, black women, who are between the ages of 20 and 50, are twice as likely to die of breast cancer as white women with the disease. This is because black women are more vulnerable to “triple-negative” cancers which are more deadly.[5]

Breast cancer has increased 660 percent since 1973. At the conference, Dr. Angela Lanfranchi[6] (breast cancer surgeon) linked this increase with the use of hormonal contraception.[7]

Defenders of the pill like to retort that hormonal contraceptives can lower the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancer. But comparatively few women get endometrial and ovarian cancer to begin with compared to the one in eight who will get breast cancer. The numbers are far from an even exchange. If a woman is eager to lower her risk of endometrial and ovarian cancer, this can be done through exercise and diet. Specific research indicates:

The risk of endometrial cancer can be reduced through a diet high in fiber, retinol, b-carotene, vitamin C and vitamin E, and by avoiding animal fats and proteins.[8]

The risk of ovarian cancer[9] can be reduced through a diet high in vegetables, fruits, beans and tea.

We women don’t need to ingest carcinogenic drugs to lower our risk of endometrial and ovarian cancer. (For women already battling breast cancer, an excellent book entitled: A bend in the Road: A Year’s Journey Through Breast Cancer, by Karen Kelly Boyce, provides important nutritional information for healing of this disease.)

Poisons are Profitable

Hormonal contraception is a carcinogenic and potent drug. High doses of these drugs are needed to mimic pregnancy in the body and thus prevent pregnancy. It’s not normal for the body to function with such high levels of these hormones, especially over a prolonged period of time spanning many years.[10]

Webster’s defines poison as: “Any agent which, when introduced into the animal organism, is capable of producing a morbid, noxious, or deadly effect upon it.” The pill is poisoning many women. Hormonal contraception poisons women in one of two ways. They:

Cause Growth in breast tissue which in turn causes cellular mutations and ultimately cancer.

Act as a Direct Carcinogen directly causing cancerous cells to form.[11]

Each year, thousands of cases of cancer can be attributed to hormonal contraception.[12] Any other drug (or heaven forbid natural supplement) which had been linked to so much cancer would have been yanked from the market long ago. But evil can grow strong roots once an industry falls in love with profit.

Now that this has happened, yanking (or even more carefully prescribing these carcinogenic drugs) might seem impossible. Birth control pills carry an economic incentive that has blurred society’s desire to do right. The billion dollar pharmaceutical business is booming.

Many breast cancer victims almost intuitively know the pill may have caused their cancer. A sampling of this intuition among breast cancer victims can be found at: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topic/740486. Here are some of the threads you will find there:

Janet: ...I took birth control pills from age 19 – about 40. I have no bc [breast cancer] history in my family. Something I noticed that I found interesting as I read through your postings is that statistically we would be considered “young” for breast cancer, as the average age to get a breast cancer diagnosis is 61. Combine that with the fact that we are probably the first generation to use birth control pills for any length of time, I definitely feel there may be a connection. Even if it’s just a suspicion at this time, I think I’ll tell my 19 year old daughter to look into another means of controlling her mild acne.

Curlylocks: The first question my surgeon asked me is if I had taken the birth control pill. So yes I believe there is a link. I never had a concern about getting bc [breast cancer], actually never thought of reading the package insert when I was 19!

One of those things that makes you go hmmmmm…..

Hmmmmmm indeed! Nurses at the conference have observed a peculiar pattern in young breast cancer patients. Many of us may have seen this pattern in someone we know. The pattern goes something like this:

A young girl goes on the pill.

She marries and goes off the pill.

She has a child.

She goes back on the pill

She has another child.

She goes back on the pill.

She gets breast cancer.

Effect on Young Girls

For many young girls across America, the carcinogenic birth control pill is now eerily mandated by some as a “right of passage” into adulthood. Oddly, it’s often the mothers who are taking their daughters to their physicians to have their “precautionary” prescription written. Obtaining this prescription is seen by many as a “natural” step in growing up. But it’s not natural. It’s unnatural. It’s dangerous and exploitative.

Hormones Dangerous to Young Girls: The elevated hormones in oral contraception are particularly dangerous for girls whose bodies are still in a rapid growth phase, causing rapid growth not only in normal cells but in cancer cells too. After a full-term pregnancy a cancer resistant mechanism develops in breast tissue cells. Hormonal contraception is especially dangerous to teens because they normally have not developed this cancer resistant mechanism to protect them.[13] At the conference, Dr. Lanfranci explained: It’s like you took this Molotov cocktail of a Group 1 carcinogen and threw it into that young girl’s breast.”[14]

Hormones Exploit Girls: As though we were talking about candy, rather than a dangerous drug, birth control pills are dispensed and pushed upon girls by pharmaceutical companies through the media, “family” doctors, through school systems and through Planned Parenthood. This push is madness.

One example of this “push” was explained by conference speaker Patricia Bainbridge. This example is a birth control pill named “Yaz.” Yaz is specifically marketed to young girls, hence its “Yazzy-pizzazzy” name. The television commercials for these pills show floating balloons and pretty girls lightly and gaily dancing about. But the commercials mislead young girls in a serious way.

Yaz is a dangerous drug. In 2009 there were 1100 lawsuits against Yaz. The dangers of Yaz are ineffectively communicated to girls who are the target “market” for these drugs. Here are some dangers: cerebral hemorrhage, cholestatic jaundice, depression, candidiasis, change in corneal curvature, thrombophlebitis, arterial thromboembolism, pulmonary embolism, myocardial infarction, cerebral thrombosis, hypertension, gallbladder disease, hepatic adenomas, retinal thrombosis and gastrointestinal symptoms.

If you want to know more about Yaz, you can google: “Yaz lawsuits,” “almost killed by Yaz,” or “Yaz birth control deaths.” But it is not just with respect to the dangerous side effects of birth control pills that girls are being misled. They are misled in other ways too.

Duping the Girls

Girls are further duped through inadequate communication in the following ways
There is poor communication to girls that no contraception is completely “effective.” The on-line medical manual of one drug company states: “There are several methods of contraception. None is completely effective.”[15]

This truth is ineffectively communicated to girls.

There is poor communication to girls that hormonal contraception can cause abortion: Girls are often not told that if they do conceive a child while on the pill, the hormones in the pill may cause the baby to be expelled from the womb. This is called chemical abortion. A nurse at the conference described chemical abortion as being like a child going down a slippery slide. The conceived child slides out of the womb because it is unable to implant. It is now estimated that there have been 250 million chemical abortions caused by the pill.[16] Who is explaining this to young girls?

The term “contraception” is misleading. The origin of the word is “contra” + “conception” meaning “against conception.” But the pill does not just work against conception. It also works against the already conceived baby by blocking implantation in the womb, thus forcing the baby to abort. Drug companies know this. The following statement is also from a drug company’s medical instruction manual: ” Contraception is prevention of fertilization of an egg by a sperm (conception) or attachment of the fertilized egg to the lining of the uterus (implantation).”[17]

Effect on Women and Marriage

The pill has had the following effect on women and marriage:

Women are Given a False Sense of Freedom: The impact of the pill on women and marriage is one not just of mortality, but of morality. We women have been brainwashed into believing that the pill has given us freedom. Ignoring the truth that children are a gift from God, we believe we can have just the number of children we want, exactly when we want them. We believe the pill puts us on par with men. But how many men would willingly ingest Group 1 carcinogens for months let alone years for their spouses? How is it love for a husband to expect this of his wife?

Having talked ourselves out into, or having been talked into pre-marital and extra-marital affairs—having talked ourselves out of, or having being talked out of relationships open to life—we became like sitting ducks. It was easy for others to convince millions of us to pour carcinogenic drugs daily into our bodies.

We thought we were ingesting freedom. How many women embraced the lie that giving into passions, rather than conquering them, was freedom? But this was not freedom. It was slavery. By ingesting birth control pills, we ingested lies. By rejecting one perceived cross, we’ve found only new and heavier crosses to carry. Dr. Lanfranchi, who became a surgeon at a time when there were few women surgeons in the country said: “We don’t have to take a Group 1 carcinogen to be liberated… “

Women Objectified, Marriages Dissolve: The pill teaches men to disregard and disrespect women, to treat and use women as objects. How do marriages survive when the wife is used as a mere pleasure object? Often they don’t. According to the U.S. census bureau, only one in three couples will reach their 25th anniversary, and only one in five will reach their 35th.[18] The divorce rate for couples who use Natural Family Planning is less than 1%.[19]

What Can We Do?

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA), doctors and the culture must work to solve these problems:

FDA: The big business of birth control has overpowered truth. But business is not about profit alone. It is about serving the good of the society. Drug companies should run their businesses in ways that help human beings, not in ways that exploit them. The FDA should mandate the following:

Drug companies should be banned from using advertising to lure otherwise healthy people into the using carcinogenic hormonal drugs.

Labeling should clearly communicate hazards. The FDA is about to mandate gruesome images on cigarette labels. It ought to do the same for the pill. In a recent article in the Washington Times, Jenn Giroux, R.N. stated the FDA should mandate that images of young corpses in coffins, emaciated cancer patients and college-age stroke victims be placed on pill labels.

Pharmaceutical companies should call the pill what it is—not a “contraceptive” pill but a “contraceptive-abortive” pill.

2. Doctors: Dr. Lanfranchi was sympathetic towards doctors. The carcinogenic information about the pill is itself a bitter pill for doctors to swallow. Dr. Lanfranchi said: “25 years down in my career, when I hear that I’ve been handing out a Group 1 carcinogen for the last 25 years, I’m going to be resistant to that…”

Doctors need to change their approach:

Doctors need to prescribe hormonal drugs with care. They ought to be prescribed only when there is a serious medical condition caused by a hormonal imbalance, or for short-term need.[20]

Doctors are more than pill dispensers. At the conference, Dr. John Bruchalski (founder of the Tepeyac Family Center and Divine Mercy Care) explained that doctors need to engage their patients in conversation, and see if the relationships in which the patients are involved are healthy and bringing them respect. Doctors need to begin listening to their patients.

Culture. The cultural winds need a sharp turn in a moral direction. As parents, educators, doctors and nurses, we can live by a few simple principles, and teach our youth to live by them too. These principles will decrease the need for birth control and were articulated best by Professor Janet Smith at the conference:

“You are not ready for sex until you are ready for children. And you are not ready for children until you are married.”

One conference speaker stated: no girl ever wished she’d had sex earlier. Our culture is luring girls into unhealthy sexual behavior which they will eventually regret. We teach young people: “just say no…” to drugs, to alcohol and to hopping into a car with a drunk driver. In a similar fashion youth can be taught “just say no” to pre-marital and extra-martial sex.

But this moral message can’t come from only one place. It must permeate society. It must come from the schools, from parents and from the media through music, television and the internet. Society lived by this moral code for thousands of years just fine until the pill came along.

Defending Morality:

It’s important not just to protect mortality, but to defend morality. Government must end its long-standing love affair with pornography. We need to stop calling pornography “freedom of speech.” It’s not speech at all. It’s immoral action that causes grave harm to humanity. It is indecent exposure gone wild and the job of government is to stop this indecency so that humanity might not be lead into living dangerous and harmful life styles. If we want to live in a decent society, then we need moral laws that protect our right to live decently.

Teaching children to live by rules of chastity might infuriate pharmaceutical companies who have made a bundle contaminating the bodies of teens for decades. And it may throw Planned Parenthood into a fit. But we can’t be led by lies, or let women be killed by lies either.

We must stand strong and become good and moral leaders for young girls—leading them to keep their heads high, protect their own dignity and do what is good and right. We must shield girls from the harm of contraception as we guide them in truth, and lead them away from behaviors and deadly drugs that may ultimately do them grave physical or moral harm—or cost them their lives.

http://catholicexchange.com/2011/01/17/146008/

Related links:

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Detection/probability-breast-cancer

http://www.abortionbreastcancer.com/news/061101/index.htm

http://www.polycarp.org/overviewbreastcanceroralcontraceptives.htm

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091026152820.htm

http://jama.ama-assn.org/content/304/15/1684.short

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/nov/27/giving-a-pass-to-the-pill/

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100929132051.htm

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2010/08/05/The-pill-may-increase-breast-cancer-risk/UPI-39481280988263/

http://health.change.org/blog/view/the_pill_may_increase_breast_cancer_risk_in_african_american_women

http://www.americanthinker.com/2010/02/the_pill_and_breast_cancer.html

http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=38517

http://www.drugwatch.com/yaz/lawsuit.php

http://www.abortionbreastcancer.com/news/061101/index.htm

http://www.rxlist.com/yaz-drug.htm)

http://www.yaz-injury.com/latest-yaz-news/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23578106/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2039904/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1] WHO—IARC Monographs on the Evaluation of Carcinogenic Risks to Humans, August , 2010.
[2] Surveillance Epidemology and End Results; National Cancer Institute
[3] Ibid.
[4] Kahlenborn, “Oral contraceptive Use-as a risk factor or premenopausal breast cancer: a meta-analysis,” May Clinic proceedings 2006, pp. 1290-1320, 2006.
[5] The Pill may increase Breast Cancer risk in African American Women
Health
Change.org
[6] Dr. Angela Lanfranchi, M.D., F.A.C.S. is a graduate of Georgetown University School of Medicine. She is a breast surgical oncologist, and Clinical Assistant Professor of Surgery. Dr. Lanfranchi was named a 2010 Castle Connolly NY Metro Area “Top Doc” in breast surgery. She co-founded the non-profit Breast Cancer Prevention Institute to educate lay and medical groups about breast cancer prevention. She has traveled nationally and internationally speaking about breast cancer prevention.
[7] http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/268887/posts
[8] Nutritional factors in relation to endometrial cancer: A report from a population-based case-control study in Shanghai, China
[9] Could foods prevent ovarian cancer? – Health – Diet and nutrition – Nutrition Notes – msnbc.com
[10] Breast Cancer Prevention Institute
[11] Ibid.
[12] Ibid.
[13] Ibid.
[14] LifeSite News.com; “Surgeon: Birth Control Pill a Molotov Cocktail for Breast Cancer.” by Kathleen Gilbert
[15] The MERCK Manuals on-line Medical Library; Contraception.
[16] Kuhar, “Infant Homicides through Contraceptives,’ International Pharmacists for Life 5th edition, 2003[17] The MERCK Manuals on-line Medical Library; Contraception
[18] US Census Bureau 2005
[19] Dr. Robert Lerner, University of Chicago, “National Survey of Family Growth,” U.S. Government’s National Center for Health Statistics and “General Social Survey,” National Opinion Research Center, 2000. Physicians for Life, 2007.
[20] Breast Cancer Prevention Institute

"First" Experiences of 2010

2011-01-17T12:02:00.000-08:00

I caught my first catfish! Sean is holding him because he is so honkin' big I couldn't lift him off the ground once I reeled him in!

My first time catching a catfish knee deep in mud (literally)

My first time rafting the upper portion of the of the Ocoee

My first time rockclimbing to the top of sugarloaf mountain. A mountain in the middle of Greers Ferry lake that can only be accessed by boat. (there is a route to the top without rockclimbing that we have hiked once before)

My First time to ever see a pink bunny! We had two litters of bunnies.A litter of five and a litter of eight. Some of the bunnies died. I cried....I also cried when we sold some of the bunnies :)

My first time to hold a precious baby bunny.

And the best first of them all.....My first niece!!
(my beautiful sis and her sweet potato)

The two sweetest things of 2010

2011-01-16T17:26:00.000-08:00

My niece! Elliene Joi Gillentine, born 9/28/10 6lb 10oz of perfection!

Little christmas elf. I'm pretty sure all 10oz over 6 were red hair ;)

My Honary neice, Amelia Rebecca Rose Cline, Born 8/29/10 4lb 10oz

My two favorite people. I'm in love :)

2011-01-12T23:03:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged since March of last year. I have had several people ask me if I was ever going to blog again and I want to thank those people for the encouragment to get started again. My plan was to start blogging at the beginning of this year but I've missed that mark by a few days. Nevertheless, The twelfth of january seems a fine day to start a resolution. So, I'm diving back into the blogging world that I have missed so much.
The traditional theme for the first blog posts of the new year seems to be a review of the past year. I like that idea but 2010 was a difficult year and I would like to focus on what the Lord has been doing in my life in the past year and his faithfulness to walk through the valleys.
Last year seemed to have a running theme of loss in our lives.
Though it was circumstantially the most difficult year I have ever been through the God of all comfort has never been so real to me. The Lord gave us a peace that was undeniably anything other than the peace of Christ through the loss of a job, the loss of a sister and the loss of two pregnancies all in a five month span.

1. The Lord made this verse real to me and as much as I shared in the suffering of christ, I shared much more in His comfort. Also, the Lord allowed me to comfort others who have experienced loss in many different ways.

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

2.The Lord is teaching me to truly find joy through trials of many kinds.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds..." James 1:2

3.He is teaching me to praise him through loss.
"Naked I came from my mothers womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:21

4.In October some girls and I started a bible study (for girls) that meets at my home on monday nights. It is an amazing group of girls from different backgrounds in different places in life. I am so excited to see what God is going to do this year through our time together. ( this is open to anyone [female] so message me if your interested)

5.In November I began being discipled one on one by an amazing woman of God.
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:3-5

I know this is very brief but my eyes are tired and I am rusty at this whole blogging thing but you can be sure that you will see more action on this site soon. HAPPY 2011!

Free to Grieve

2010-03-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

Thursday March 11th, four weeks to the day after Rebecca's death, three weeks to the day after the news of losing the baby, the anticipated miscarriage came. I should more appropriately say it began.
11 days later I'm still waiting for it to end.
Physically I have been well since being prescribed stronger pain medication. The Darvacet they originally prescribed to me for pain was like a cruel practical joke. But after going back to the doctor and having to be wheeled around the office while crying and holding a tiny bean shaped bowl (another thing, I believe to be a practical joke...I mean really? I'm supposed to throw up in a cereal bowl? anyway....) they got serious and gave me some real painkillers (the kind that make you pick up your phone to call someone and then just say hello? as if someone called you, instead of dialing the number...)
Mentally and emotionally I was doing okay as well. Last night was a hard night and started to feel very drained. Not physically, but just emotionally and mentally empty. I started reading a book a friend loaned me called Free to Grieve: Healing and Encouragment for Those Who Have Experienced the Physical. Mental & Emotional Trauma of Miscarriage.
I felt relieved to read that it is common to experience a form of postpartum blues or depression shortly after miscarriage as you have lost and are losing all the pregnancy hormones, much like childbirth.
Not because I in anyway want to experience another period of feeling low and depressed, but It was encouraging to know that what I'm feeling is normal.
I felt like I after I got past the first week of getting the diagnosis of miscarriage I was coping so well and I still have the same perspective as I did before but I just feel so low and burdened now.
I am going through a difficult period and I don't know how long until this will pass but I am so confident that my Lord is with me. My dear friend, Kristy, who has been there for me everyday I needed her through all this, compiled some encouraging verses into an adorable little scrapbook and this verse from Isaiah has been especially encouraging to me right now.

"When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:2

I went to Becky's grave today. The tears started before I could even get out of the driveway.
I know that she isn't there. I don't know what I believe about being able to speak to our loved ones who are with the Lord, but I think it can be good to verbalize the things we want to share with them even if they can't hear. I just keep thinking thinking about how I want to talk to becky about losing the baby because she lost a baby last summer and I know it hurt her so much. But then I remember I can't and everytime I have these thoughts it hurts so much and I cry for her and miss her. I miss how well she listened even if she didn't know what to say. So, I thought it would be okay to go to her grave and "talk" about it.

It was the first time back there since her burial. I noticed that right below her is a 10 year old girl named Amy. Right below Amy was a butterfly headstone for a baby named Katherine. There was only one date, February 9th 2006. I assume the baby was stillborn or miscarried or maybe she only lived for a few hours.
Amy was half Rebecca's age and the baby was only a day or maybe never breathed the air of this world. It reminded me that we aren't gauranteed another day of life. I'm thankful for the 20 years that we did have Becky here, even though it was so much shorter than we would ever want or ask for.

On the way there I had the radio tuned to KLOVE, as usual, and the song, Something Beautiful by a band called Need to Breathe came on. I really like this song and the words really resonate with me right now.

I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
I can't figure out
No, I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your wave crashes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown
Will you let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side
No I can't leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful
-----------------------
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I want to thank everyone for their their prayers and words of encouragement. It means alot to me.

Count it all joy whenever you face trials of many kinds

2010-03-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

I having felt like blogging in a long time but I think I'm ready to share what's been going on lately.
In January I was laid off from my job a little before we found out I was pregnant.
I got pretty sick about a week after finding out and stayed that way all day every day for the next few weeks.
Everyone said it was a good sign that I was so nauseous so I tried to happily endure it.
Wednesday Feburary 10th my older sister, Beth, told me that she was pregnant and due 20 days after me.
It felt like a dream come true. I was so excited to be pregnant with my sister.

February 11th at around 10:15 I was driving to inspection with Beth when Sean called me and asked me to come back home. I told him we were almost to the inspection station but he was persistent and he sounded upset.
I was really worried and everyone and his family flashed through my head but I tried to convince myself that it couldn't be that bad.
I tried to think of something other than someone in his family being hurt which was all I could Imagine he would be asking me to come home for.
Nothing could have prepared me for the news. Sean's 20 year old sister, Rebecca, had committed suicide.
I can't explain the pain and shock of hearing that she was gone. I wanted to scream but didn't because I felt like I needed to stay calm for Sean. We immediately went to the Budinsky's.
I felt like there must have been a mistake but when we got there the police where already there and I saw her body laying there in the distance and it began to feel all to real. There was a part of me that wanted to run over and see her but I knew I couldnt handle it and the police wouldnt have let me even if I could.
The CSI's and the detectives arrived and made us leave so they could interview the parents.
Apparently they have to investigate suicide as a homicide.
We were all anxious about Joseph and Rachel coming home from school and telling them so sean and I went to pick up Joe and Jason got Rachel. As hard as it was I think it was good for his parents to have everyone (except jessica) there with them. Rebecca left a note letting us know that it wasn't anyone's fault and that she loved everyone and knows everyone loved her and thanked everyone for trying to help her.
We had so much prayer and support in the day's to follow.
Despite the unbelievable heartbreak our family was experiencing the Lord gave us peace that surpasses all understanding. We are confident that our beautiful Becky is with the Lord and we know we'll meet her again someday. There are so many more feelings I have about this but it's too soon to say anymore than this.
Thursday, February 18th I went to the doctor. She wasn't going to do an ultrasound and was going to send me home but decided she would try to find the heartbeat. She couldn't find it but didn't seem worried and made a comment about the baby bringing light to our family then walked out. Two minutes later I'm being told by an ultrasound tech that it looks as if I have a blighted ovum. Am I supposed to know what that means?
Since she told me as if she was letting me know I had a common cold surely it wasn't bad, right?
But it didn't sound like something I wanted to hear and I had this horrible sinking feeling come over me.
I just sat there staring at the empty black hole on the screen.I couldn't say anything. Fortunately my mom had come with me, because I was too faint to drive, so she was in the room with me and asked her "So what does that mean?''
She said that the baby had stopped developing and my sac had continued to grow.
I tried so hard not to feel anything but I just wanted to be anywhere else but sitting next to this lady who had just ripped out my already broken heart.
She sent me to another room to wait for the doctor. She came in with an older man and he did most of the talking. They didn't really explain much more about what had happened except to say that the baby was lost early on and my body didn't realize it and continued to grow the sac and give all symptoms of being pregnant.
So essentially they were telling me that I was still pregnant but my baby was gone.
They gave me the option of having a D&C or waiting to miscarry naturally.
I would have been about 9 weeks calculating by my LMP but the tech dated the sac at 10 weeks.
At first I wanted the D&C because I just wanted it to be over immediately because I was so upset.
We prayed about what to do over that weekend. We went to church on sunday still not knowing what to do. I was really wanting it to be over with so I could move on and so I kept trying to make the D&C work in my head but the Lord just wasn't giving peace about it. During worship that morning we had a special time of prayer and I was sitting against the wall trying to pray while someone was praying for sean. I was looking at all the other children and thinking about all my wrecked plans, and how long it would be until I could have a child, and what if something like this happens again. In the midst of all of my self-reliant thinking I felt like the Lord said to me "TRUST ME, TRUST ME." It was so clear it was as if he had spoken out loud to me.
So I prayed that the Lord would give me the strength to trust him and the peace and patience to endure whatever lies ahead for me. He is so faithful and has truly given me the peace of christ. I'm still disappointed and hurting but my hope is in the Lord and I know he is drawing us closer to him through these trials.

"Count it all Joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of various kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. and let steadfastness have it's full effect so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

It's been almost two weeks since the ultrasound and nothing has happened. I should be between 11-12 weeks now and the doctor's seem to think I would have miscarried by now and wanted me to come back in this week but I wanted to wait so I made and appointment for monday.
I'm in or about to be in the second trimester and, from what I understand, there is a higher risk of having to have an emergency D&C if I I miscarry in the 2nd trimester.
I don't know what the Lord's plan for this is or why I have to endure being pregnant and feeling pregnant while not having a child to look forward to. I don't know why I don't get to be pregnant with my sister like I've always dreamed. I don't know why this happpened right after the worse thing that had ever happened in my life. I do know that the Lord is giving me the strength to get through it and he does have a plan and it's to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future.
That's all I feel like writing for now but I just like I was ready to let people know.
Please continue to pray for Chris and Penny and all the "kids." We had so much prayer and support the first week and we are so grateful. I hope that people will continue to lift us up in prayer as we are still very much grieving and missing her.

"Was This Planned?"

2010-01-22T11:44:00.000-08:00

I am overwhelmed with blessings! God is so good. He provides for us day by day and sometimes in the most unexpected ways. In September of this year we will welcome a living,breathing blessing from the Lord into our lives.
Next to "When are you due?!" the most asked question is "Was this planned?"
At first, when people asked this I would kinda laugh and say noo.
However, this child was planned by the Lord. He knew before he formed the earth exactly what day this child would begin forming in my womb. I just want to praise the Lord for the great joy I have from Him, through something I didn't even know I wanted.
"God's faithfulness in on display every single day. Every new morning is a gift from God, and a sign of His eternal presence." Lamentations 3:22-23

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree.....

2009-12-08T19:05:00.000-08:00

Our tree is trimmed and our stockings our hung.
Christmas music is blasted daily through every speaker in the house.
Hickory smoke is billowing out of my chimney every single night of the week.
We have been so very blessed. I am so thankful that Jesus came to this earth to give us a gift worth celebrating!
Joy to the World , the Lord is come!

Let earth receive her King!
Let every heart prepare Him room!
And Heaven, and nature sing!

Christmas Decorations

My Improvisational centerpiece

I'm making new stockings ;) I found the inspiration for these burlap stockings in a Southern Living magazine.

I like earthy, rustic things :)

Sean made the little wooden candle holders :) these were just test pieces he is going to sink the candle in.

Sean doesn't like this....is it bad?

Love my bargain wreath! I got it at Pottery Barn the day after Cmas for $14!

Our Christmas Tree

A shot from above

I couldn't get a good pic of the tree.

My favorite Ornaments

Love my woodsy little owl! My sis-in-law Melissa gave this to me last christmas.

I love the reindeer and the Lenox first Christmas ornament that Sean's mom gave us last year.

I love the butterflies and the pinecones.

I wanted the ornaments like the one in this picture and the picture above this one so bad last year but I was not about to pay the price tag on them. Soo, I bought them after Christmas for 75% off....with a gift card! Score!

This is another first year together ornament from Mimi, Sean's Grandmother. I really love this one too :)

This is another love, My silk tree skirt :)

A little bit of a splurge for me but It was still a great bargain.

I know that was alot of pictures but what can I say?

Love of Decorating+Love of Christmas season=

One very excited me!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

2009-12-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

The line "the stockings were hung by the chimney with care" has been running through my head ever since I hung my stockings "by the chimney with care" a couple of evenings ago.
I couldn't remember the rest of the poem so I Googled it. I found the original version, as well as quite a few parodies of the well known Christmas poem. I thought some of them were amusing renditions so I thought I would post some of them periodically through this month. I also took the liberty of embellishing with pictures.

Politically Correct Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced by four pigs and you know that looked stupid!

Dancer

Donner

Comet

Cupid

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Wednesdays

2009-11-11T09:37:00.000-08:00

I was at a bonfire on a Halloween, standing in a dark field with only the light of the moon and the fire to light the faces of those around me. I was near the fire talking to a friend. While we were talking Sarah reached up to put her hair behind her ear with her right hand and a little sparkle dazzled in the light of the bonfire. I reached up to take her hand and examine the source of sparkle (don't get any ideas. I said right hand!) It was a big fashion ring studded with black and clear jewels. "This is so cute!" I exclaimed. "Thanks" she said. "I got it at this really cute boutique in Bartlett! And I found these boots there too!"
I had already noticed the cuteness of her boots but didn't want to quiz her from fingers to toe on her fashion.
"I love those too! Tell me more about this shop"
So she told me about Wednesdays.
Here’s the catch, but also what makes it more fun, the name is quite perfect because it is only open on Wednesdays! Conveniently for me the shop is only about five minutes from my office. But if you love to shop and find good deals and unique items it's worth planning your Wednesday around a trip to Wednesdays.
Wednesday’s motto is "We Rescue Beautiful Things."
They have vintage clothes, shoes and accessories, as well as brand new tops and purses.
I also found lightly worn items at great prices. There was a shelf with cute teapots and unique teas. I had a sample of a delicious black currant tea.
Also Debbie and her daughter Alexis are the Owner/Operators and they are both so Sweet and fun to talk with. I could go on but its Wednesday and time for lunch which for me means time to stop by Wednesdays and see what is new this week! They have new items every Wednesday. I'm excited to see what I will find today!
Last week I bought the cute shirt in this picture:

Happy Wednesday!

Will I Choose Perfectionism and Pride or Obediance and Action?

2009-11-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

God isn't interested in our stellar Performance but in our hearts. He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities. -Beth Moore

Silence and solitude is a very difficult discipline for me.
I realized that even in my "quiet time" with the Lord I am praying or reading or journaling and very rarely do I ever just sit in silence, listen and wait on the Holy Spirit to speak to my heart. But a couple of weeks ago I prayed and in effect said "Father, I'm going to be still, shut up and listen so please speak to my heart.”
I have felt the Lord leading me to minister in a certain area for awhile but have convinced myself that I needed to "prepare myself," I need to "get it together," I need to "figure things out."
I also begin to feel defeated before I have even tried to serve in this area. I start to think that I'm not needed and that what I have to offer isn't necessary for the people I would be serving.
But that day I really felt like the Lord leading me to move forward in this area even though I'm not perfect, even though I don't "have it all figured out." Imagine that, The Lord wanting me to use me before I have achieved perfection? I know, it very perplexing but as it turns out we're never in our earthly existence going to be perfect.
Two days later, I was doing my homework for the Esther bible study and Beth Moore presented Esther’s approaching the king in whole new way to me. In chapter 5 when Esther approaches the king she has just walked into a life or death situation. Even if the king did extend his scepter to her there was still a chance the king would not show grace and save her people from genocide.
But Esther said "if I perish, I perish." and prepared to approach the king in anyway.
But this is what was so encouraging to me; Esther probably didn't have it all together.
King Xerxes asked the question "what is it Queen Esther? What is your request?..."
The Hebrew word used was mah lak, translated in Esther as "what is it”, and is also translated as "what troubles you" or "what ails you."
This shows the king knew something was wrong with Esther. This was likely due in part to her breaking protocol but also very likely, it was apparent in her demeanor.
Also, when Queen Esther replies to the king her words translate as broken sentences.
Basically like she starts to say something and then stops and rephrases it.
Perhaps as if she was nervous and her voice was a little shaky. (Just a suggestion by Beth Moore)
When I read this I thought if Queen Esther was like me and a lot of women and waited to be obedient and to do what she was called to do until she could do it flawlessly, without nervousness or the risk of screwing something up......the Jews would be dead!
Often we don't want to do something because it makes us nervous or we think we won't know what to say or how to do it perfectly and we are fearful that people will see that.
Reading this was such an encouragement to me to think that great Queen Esther might have not had it all together but she acted anyway!
This was encouraging to me, especially since the Lord was already working on my heart in this area.
"I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't do our best. I'm simply saying that sometimes just surviving certain tasks without falling apart is our best and in those times God is not ashamed of our performance. He is proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotions to do his will. God isn't interested in our stellar performance but in our hearts. He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities." -Beth Moore

Barter- verb; to trade by exchange of commodities rather than by the use of money.

2009-10-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

Our new windows have been delivered and I am very much looking forward to having them installed. First of all, for the energy effiency that they will bring (and that they will look nice. =) But more excited about my home being warm in the winter than any aesthetic enjoyment they will bring. Also, once the windows are installed we are having the house painted! I'm very excited about this as well because it is one thing that sean doesnt have to do himself!
Now, with regard to that excitement, I would like to tell you that I love bartering . People don't barter so much these days but it is really a great way to get things done with out money coming straight out of your pocket. Of course you have to invest time and labor but even so, you both get what you want without breaking the bank! I'm sure we wouldnt have been able to do half the things we've done in our home without bartering. Atleast it would have taken us twice as long to accomplish it.

I'm going to have to think about this but here is a list of the things we have "bartered" :
Exterior Paint:

in exchange for an 8ft Cap and trim fence. Our estimate for the having the house proffessionally painted was around $2800. Sean had somewhat of a relationship with the owner of the painting company, who happended to need a fence so they worked out deal where both of them would spending $800 out of pocket for materials and trade labor. So all in all it probably works out to a little over $1000 when you figure in labor costs but still way better than $2800 or sean, once again doing the work himself
GE Monogram stainless steel wrap refridgerator :
blood, sweat and tears!Sean Stained and Scored about 600sq ft for a lady we know who owns an appliance store. This was a really difficult one because he was working at best buy and landscaping and then going to this empty house until 3-5am almost everynight for awhile. I would go with him and help some, It was really hard work and I like to be asleep at 2am...hence, the tears :) BUT, it is a beautiful high end fridge that we never would have splurged on and he did get paid for the work and we got the refridgerator for a fraction of what it cost. So all in all, a sweet deal.
Renovations: Exanding the kitchen and laundry room and a creating a beautiful archway:
When sean worked at best buy he earned 3 samsung blu-ray players OR a blu-ray player and surround sound sound system. He had already purchased those items the year before so we traded Jesse Smith (Seans friend) the bluray and surround sound for his expertise and labor. (We obviously came out on top since the system was free to us but Jesse was going to help just for the sake of freindship so the entertainment system just sweetened the deal.) Jesse can do pretty much anything and do it with expertise. I thought sean could do alot of things but jesse is a like bob vila with more skills. So jesse and sean ripped out walls and ceilings and built new walls and ceilings and re-wired the electrical outlets...and alot of other stuff.
Hardwood Floors:
Seans roommate at the time, Brian Bell, helped sean install the floors. I'm really not sure what the arrangement was in this case
Recessed Lighting:
Sean is making concrete countertops, like ours but in onyx, for the Barkers kitchen and Mike .is going to do recessed lighting for us in our kitchen.
----------
Just some examples of bartering. It's a great way to get things done and help each other out in bad economic times...and good times too.
You don't have to have construction or hard labor skills to barter.
My sister Rebekah and about six of her friends, who are all in dorms or apartments at Mississppi College,
cook for each other several nights a week.
So the way it works out they don't have to eat out so much but instead are able to have home made meals and only have to cook once a week. I thought it was a really smart idea.
I have some more ideas for saving money but I will save those for another time!

A Beautiful Autumn Day

2009-10-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad fall is here! I can't believe how fast this year has flown by. I can't believe that this time last year I was going to EVERY craft store in the greater Memphis metropolitan area to find enough off white votive candles to light a small community. yes we cleaned out Hobby Lobby in Colllierville, Garden Ridge and Old Time Pottery among others....Why do do brides do these things?

I'm pretty sure no one will ever remember all the little flickering candles that were so cleverly tucked along the bed of the stream that flowed from the candle covered waterfall.

And Besides all that, someone made the executive decision (without me) to remove the pumpkin spice candles (that we also went all over town to find enough of them) from the edges of the bridge that I walked over in fear that I would catch on fire...but you see, people would remember a bride who caught herself on fire.

This is basically how it would go:
Once I realized what all the gasping was about and why my dad was stomping on my train. I would have frantically jumped off of the bridge and into the pool screaming and then my drenched head would slowly lift from the shallow water and at the moment there would be a look on my face that said "I need to go back into the womb and start my whole life over" ......and then somehow an unauthorized copy of my wedding video would be getting thousands of hits on YouTube :)
Awful, but memorable.
Anyway, the point is I love the fall and I can't believe it has been a year since I was wrapped up in all the wedding planning nonsense! (That being said I loved my wedding is was absolutely perfect and better than I ever dreamed of Thanks to the Lord blessing us beyond reason with wonderful family and friends)
The air is so crisp and cool, every time I walk outside I feel at peace and hopeful.
It's times like this when you simply walk outside and can't help but remember that only an intelligent creator could create seasons so perfectly.
Sometimes when I think about the winter coming I feel rather melancholy because I so dislike the bitter cold and distance from the sun (and therefore all together LACK of sunshine) that winter brings. However, I must remind myself that I wouldn't appreciate the other seasons that I love and celebrate so much, if they were always here.
For instance, if we it was always fall we would never have leaves on our trees and we would get really tired of pumpkins and pecan pies and burnt orange table clothes.
If it were spring all the time I wouldn't get so excited about my tulips blooming because they would always be there and we would have to go to a wedding every weekend of our lives!
All I really wanted to say in this post is this:
What a beautiful time of year! Praise the Lord for seasons!

"Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him
with songs of praise!
For the Lord is a great God, and a king above all gods.
In His hands are the depths of the earth;
the heights of the mountains are His also.
The sea is His for he made it, and his hands formed dry land.
Oh come let us worship and bow down;
let us kneel before the Lord our maker!" PSALM 95:1-6

after all the candles and torches were blown out...still pretty :)

An excerpt from my prayer journal....

2009-09-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

I decided to share what I wrote in my journal this morning...

I woke up at 545am to Amy's call to confirm that we were walking at 6.
I though about backing out because my bed felt like the best place in the world I could be at that moment.
The truth was that upon waking I actually felt perfectly able (physically) to get up and face the day (...other than a back ache which subsided after walking :)
But I was very tempted to crawl back into bed at 655 when Amy left. I convinced myself to at least take a shower before wimping out and going back to bed. After showering I still couldn't get mentally pumped to spend time with the Lord. After all, a little nap before work seemed so pleasant. Fortunately, I didn't let Satan win. I thought about the Screwtape letters (a book brilliantly written by C.S. Lewis. This book is Written as if it is a compilation of letters from Screwtape, a very experienced and senior demon, giving advice and correction to his young demon nephew wormwood who is assigned to a certain human with the goal of doing everything in his power to get that human into hell on the humans own accord.)
I realized my demon has me right were he wanted me...well little wormwood, your going to have to give a bad report to your uncle today! I'm going to spend time with my Jesus today!
It is 7:34 and I'm going to start reading Esther. I should have started reading Esther almost a week ago...since the first day of our Beth Moore study of Esther began last Tuesday. I'm going to get my workbook on the way to work and I now resolve to be diligent in keeping on schedule with my homework so that I can get the very most of this study.
I'm very excited about studying Esther. I desire to be wise and discerning like Esther. I want to be brave like Esther. I want to learn from her the discipline of knowing when to speak up and when to hold my tongue.
Thank you Lord for your word. Thank you for allowing me to live, for a time, in a place where we can access the word of God at any moment, where we can gather and worship freely, and where we can profess you as our Lord and saviour without fear of imprisonment or other physical persecution.
But Lord, if the day comes when our free America is lost and our precious rights to worship and claim you are taken from us, I should rejoice even more
"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven." Matthew 5:10-12a

"But remember the former days, when, after being enlightened, you endured a great
conflict of sufferings, partly by being made a public spectacle through reproaches and tribulations, and partly by becoming sharers with those who were so treated.
For you showed sympathy to the prisoners and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and a lasting one.
Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.
FOR YET IN A VERY LITTLE WHILE,
HE WHO IS COMING WILL COME, AND WILL NOT DELAY.
BUT MY RIGHTEOUS ONE SHALL LIVE BY FAITH;AND IF HE SHRINKS BACK, MY SOUL HAS NO PLEASURE IN HIM.
But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul. Hebrews 10:32-39
8:35am
(End of journal entry)
-----------------------

I'm inconsistent with my journaling but I've been trying to get on a schedule that allows spending time with the Lord, praying and being in the word to be my number one priority. I struggle with getting up in time to accomplish all the things I want to before going to work.
Since July I have been getting up every morning just in time to walk at 7am with Amy (my dear friend and workout buddy)
so it was almost 8 by the time we would get back to the house. I would make coffee and Amy would stay and chatter with me while I would do laundry or unload the dishwasher, or vacuum or whatever chore was weighing on me that morning. Then it was time for me to get ready for work and run out the door. I Would try to read my bible at work but I'm usually much to distracted to pray very intimately. Sometimes I spend some time in prayer and the Word in the evenings at home but still I am distracted by my impending bedtime and shortly become so very enticed to sink my head into the sweet conforming softness of my pillow.
Well, my dear Amy started a new job last Monday so we took last week off and today we started our new routine. Start walking promptly at 6 so Amy can leave by 650 for work.
This is perfect because I can make coffee, shower and then have my quiet time all before 815 then do a little housework and head out the door for work. Friends, Please pray for me that the Lord will renew my strength each morning so that I can be consistent in this.
For those of you that don't know, I have been suffering from fatigue and tiredness off and on for a couple of years now.
I have been doing much better now that I have a regular routine. No more crazy Starbucks hours has been so good for my health!
Before I close this very long post I must say that the story of Esther is so cool!
I mean just as a story it's so interesting and then on top of that we get to learn from it. I'm pumped about studying Esther with the ladies!
If anyone would like to join us on Tuesday evenings at 6 to do Beth Moore's study on Esther your are welcome! tomorrow (Sep.22) is just the second week and dinner is provided! just message me if your interested.

DISCLAIMER

2009-09-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

First of all, Let's get something straight, I AM NOT A BLOGGER.
I've noticed every blog I've read lately is written by other non-bloggers.
This of course makes sense because I am a not a blog reader.
So natuarally someone who does not read blogs would only find themselves reading blogs wrtitten by people who are not actually bloggers.
So although, I'm writing a blog and you are reading my blog, let it be known that, although I am blogging, I am NOT A BLOGGER.

The Paragraph above is not an introduction, it is a disclaimer.
Because I am not blogger I CANNOT Gaurantee the content of this blog will be: USEFUL, FUNNY, USE PROPER GRAMMER OR PUNCUATION, OR INTEREST YOU IN ANYWAY.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get to it.
I've decided to start a blog because my life is so interesting and my thoughts are so full of Wisdom and Prophecy that I feel it is selfish to not share them with the world. (sarcasm)
So I'm going to go ahead of give this blog thing a shot.

I started a new job recently bringing my starbucks career to an end after almost six years.
I work at Shelter Benefits. I love the people I work with and I'm really getting the hang of the job.
Sean and I have been married for almost a year now! It's kind of hard to believe but really excited to be coming to a huge milestone in our life.
It's been a fun, crazy, challenging, wonderful year of growth for us filled with lots of laughter, tears, sheet rock dust, and more frozen pizzas than any two people should ever consume in their lifetime.
We don't have any pets except for my estranged puppy/daughter Stella who is the ugliest most lovable little orphan dog I have ever had to give up (to my mom, who loves her ;)
But I want a big gaurd dog, actually two....I want two dobermans. First I Want a red female doberman that I will name Ruby and Then I we will get a Black doberman, that we will call Bruce for short. His name will be Bruce Wayne.
In january of this year, sean and I started visiting centerpoint church in lakeland and never left.
We love the people at centerpoint and are we are happy to have found a church home were we are spiritually fed and are able to fellowship with other believers who are earnestly seeking to grow their relationship with the Lord.
God has been growing each of us individually and as a couple. I will write more about that later but now i must go pack, so we can get going to the lake to enjoy this long weekend. (labor day)